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To ask questions, simply click on the Questions hyperlink and you will be transported to an e-mail window where you type in your question, click on send, and your question will be delivered to the Talkdoctors e-mail address. Answers to commonly asked questions will be posted monthly on the Answers page. *It is important that you understand that not all questions will be answered. 3-5 of the most commonly asked questions will be answered each month in the newsletter format that follows. This portion of the TalkDoctors service is free. The answers given will either be research based, or will represent the experience of the TalkDoctors professionals. The answers given should not be viewed as the only possible answers to the questions asked. Where relevant, TalkDoctors will recommend literature to provide additional perspective to the questions asked. The Question and Answer portion of the TalkDoctors service can be useful through offering education, normalization, clarification, and direction. it is not intended to be a substitute for consultation or coaching. Further, it is not intended to replace psychotherapy for those who need it. Question 1: Sometimes it seems like my boyfriend and I speak different love languages. Is there any legitimacy to this concept? Answer 1: Yes. In fact, Gary Chapman wrote a book entitled "The Five Love Languages," which speaks to this very issue. The five love languages, according to Chapman, are 1. Words of affirmation 2. Quality time 3. Receiving gifts 4. Acts of service 5. Physical touch This writer has often referred to such differences as love styles, and has categorized them as verbal, giving, doing, and touching. The problem arises when you have one love language, or style, and your significant other has another. Let's say you love through giving gifts, but he loves through words of affirmation. You may wonder why he is not responding to your gifts as you would if you were receiving them; and he may be wondering why you are not responding to his cascade of compliments; while your gifts may be causing him to feel pressure, or an uncomfortable need to reciprocate, while his words of affirmation may be causing you to feel conned, or like he is expecting from you! When people have these differences, it is literally like speaking English to someone who speaks French, and wondering why they aren't getting it! So spend some time talking with each other, and try to figure out what your significant other's love language, or style is! Question 2. What does the Bible have to say about "healing"? Answer 2: A lot, in both the Old and New Testaments. check it out, and call or write if you wish to discuss. 1. Numbers 12:13 Moses cried out to the Lord, saying, "O God, heal her, I pray!" 2. Deuteronomy 32:39 See now that I, I am He, and there is no god besides Me: It is I who put to death and give life. I have wounded and it is I who heal, And there is no one who can deliver from My hand. 3. 2 Kings 20:5 Return and say to Hezekiah the leader of My people, Thus says the Lord, the God of your father David, I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold, I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the Lord. 4. 2 Kings 20:8 Now Hezekiah said to Isaiah, What will be the sign that the Lord will heal me, and that I shall go up to the house of the Lord the third day? 5. 2 Chronicles 7:14 And My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 6. Job 5:18 For He inflicts pain, and gives relief: He wounds, and His hands also heal. 7. Psalms 6:2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am pining away: Heal me, O Lord, for my bones are dismayed. 8. Psalms 41:4 As for me, I said, "O Lord, be gracious to me; Heal my soul, for I have sinned against You." 9. Psalms 60:2 You have made the land quake, You have split it open; Heal its breaches, for it totters. 10. Ecclesiastes 3:3 A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. 11. Isaiah 19:22 The Lord will strike Egypt, striking but healing; so they will return to the Lord, and He will respond to them and will heal them. 12. Isaiah 57:18-19 I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him and to his mourners. Creating the praise of the lips. Peace, peace to him who is far and to him who is near, says the Lord, "and I will heal him." 13. Jeremiah 3:22 Return, O faithless sons, I will heal your faithlessness. Behold, we come to You; For You are the Lord our God. 14. Jeremiah 8:11 They heal the brokenness of the daughter of My people superficially, Saying, Peace, peace, But there is no peace. 15. Jeremiah 17:14 Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; Save me and I will be saved, For You are my praise. 16. Jeremiah 30:17 For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds, declares the Lord, Because they have called you an outcast, saying: It is Zion; no one cares for her. 17. Jeremiah 33:6 Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth. 18. Lamentations 2:13 How shall I admonish you? To what shall I compare you, O daughter of Jerusalem? To what shall I liken you as I comfort you, O virgin daughter of Zion? For your ruin is as vast as the sea; Who can heal you? 19. Hosea 5:13 When Ephraim saw his sickness, And Judah his wound, Then Ephraim went to Assyria And sent to King Jareb. But he is unable to heal you, Or to cure you of your wound. 20. Hosea 6:1 Come, let us return to the Lord. For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. 21. Hosea 7:1 When I would heal Israel, The iniquity of Ephraim is uncovered, And the evil deeds of Samaria, For they deal falsely; The thief enters in, Bandits raid outside. 22. Hosea 14:4 I will heal their apostasy, I will love them freely, For My anger has turned away from them. 23. Zechariah 11:16 For behold, I am going to raise up a shepherd in the land who will not care for the perishing, seek the scattered, heal the broken, or sustain the one standing, but will devour the flesh of the fat sheep and tear off their hoofs. 24. Matthew 8:7 Jesus said to him, "I will come and heal him." 25. Matthew 10:1 Jesus summoned His twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every kind of disease and every kind of sickness. 26. Matthew 10:8 Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons. Freely you received, freely give. 27. Matthew 12:10 And a man was there whose hand was withered. And they questioned Jesus, asking, "Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?" -- so that they might accuse Him. 28. Matthew 13:15 For the heart of this people has become dull, with their ears they scarcely hear, and they have closed their eyes, otherwise they would see with their eyes, hear with their ears, and understand with their heart and return, and I would heal them. 29. Mark 3:2 They were watching Him to see if He would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse Him. 30. Luke 4:23 And He said to them, No doubt you will quote this proverb to Me, Physician, heal yourself! Whatever we heard was done at Capernaum, do here in your hometown as well. 31. Luke 9:1 And He called the twelve together, and gave them power and authority over all the demons and to heal diseases. 32. Luke 10:9 And heal those in it who are sick, and say to them, The kingdom of God has come near to you. 33. Luke 14:3 And Jesus answered and spoke to the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, "Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath, or not?" 34. John 4:47 When he heard that Jesus had come out of Judea into Galilee, he went to Him and was imploring Him to come down and heal his son; for he was at the point of death. 35. John 12:40 He has blinded their eyes and He hardened their heart, so that they would not see with their eyes and preceive with their heart, and be converted and I heal them." 36. Acts 4:30 while You extend Your hand to heal, and signs and wonders take place through the name of Your holy servant Jesus. 37. Acts 28:27 For the heart of this people has become dull, and with their ears they scarcely hear, and they have closed their eyes; otherwise they might see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart and return, and I would heal them. Question 3. Are there, like, any codes of dating and courtship? Answer 3: Yes. According to Winnefred Cutler, Ph.D., in her book Searching for Courtship, here are 11 codes, or rules of dating and courtship. 1. You acknowledge biology's rules and use his sexual attraction to you to negotiate for courtship. 2. You accept the legitimacy of your own needs. 3. You recognize the value in balance:on the one hand the merit of positive solitude and reflection; on the other hand the importance of retaining an active social life. 4. You communicate what you want. 5. You strengthen your capacity for self control and your dignity by taking command of your calendar. 6. You develop your capacity for honesty and your ability to detect deception. 7. You acquire basic hormonal and sexual facts. 8. You understand and live the dignity of good manners. 9. You recognize that a positive attitude engenders personal magnetism for attracting legitimate courtship candidates. 10. You recognize the importance of projecting a good impression, but nevertheless are slow to judge others. 11. You realize that there are many good people searching and muster the courage to end all romantic relationships that are not leading to courtship. Question 4: What is intimacy? Answer 4: Intimacy could be defined as a relationship between two people characterized by conscious vulnerability, sharing of confidences and privacy, extreme trust, and sexuality, (Cutler, 1998). Question 5: What can I do to manage stress more effectively? Answer 5: Some general things to help you manage stress include: 1. cardiovascular exercise (unless medically contraindicated). If you have any medical conditions or concerns about the impact of cardio exercise on your body, please check with your physician prior to beginning. 2. journaling/keep a daily log or journal in which you record significant events of the day, how you responded to these events, what you felt, and any feedback you received. If you believe your response was inappropriate or irrational, also chart what you think would have been a more appropriate or rational response. This helps you vent, but will also heighten your awareness regarding your targeted responses, which will gradually increase your self control and effective management in these situations. 3. Actively participate in hobbies and interests/sports, creative interests, recreation, etc. 4. Maintain social involvement. 5. Get sufficient rest (whatever that means for you). 6. Take responsibility for your errors/mistakes, and make amends whenever possible/appropriate. 7. Remember that each day is a new beginning/let go of mistakes and failures of past days. Accept responsibility, learn what you can from the mistake, make amends if possible/appropriate, and then never think about it again. 8. meditate/if you need direction, consult your local book store, spiritual leader, or schedule a TalkDoctors appointment. 9. relaxation training/if you need help consult your local bookstore or set up a TalkDoctors appointment/you might consider guided audiotape trainings that include pairing breathing with muscle tension and relaxation. 10. Limit alcohol consumption/if you have problems with alcohol abuse or dependence, eliminate alcohol consumption. If not, limit your alcohol consumption to 1-2 drinks per occasion. 11. Participate in your spirituality (if you are a spiritual person). 12. Set aside at least 10 minutes per day to just reflect on the day with no interruptions. 13. sunshine/try to get at least 10 minutes of sunshine each day, when available, and if you have sensitivity to the sun, try to get your sunshine before 10 A.M. or after 3 P.M. 14. Take action to address problems or concerns. Do it now. Waiting often makes problems grow, or seem to grow, and often this creates increased stress which feels like emotional paralysis. Do it now. 15. Take time to enjoy the beauty of children, nature, and meaning. 16. Identify 5-10 main parts of life, such as relationship, family, work, exercise, hobbies, spirituality, social; and endeavor to balance them relative to their level of importance to you. If you notice that you are placing far too much time or importance on any one part of life, work to make adjustments and gain a better balance. You may not be interested in or able to do all of these, but please consider them, select the ones that may work for you, and give them a try. Track your progress in a journal, perhaps using a scale from 1-10/stress severity, and find the things that work for you. TalkDoctors, LLC |
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